December 3, 2009
Stupidity is my strongest feature.
I nearly died one night. ButI’m glad i didn’t….
Yet what had happened was avoidable.
Still, i hate myself for what has happened. I feel so frustrated over it i find myself leaning back to my teen angst. Flashes in my mind are so haunting i feel like taking a gun and shooting my brains out. The fear is so great sometimes i feel like screaming and throwing myself against the wall. I feel like slashing my arms just to cleanse myself of the stupidity of everything.
In the end, I just hope this is a closed case. I want to just move on and learn from it. I only hope nothing in regards to it will be brought up again… ever.
November 1, 2009
sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?
I’ve never known a feeling like this …ever. To be wholly so consumed into something that is defined as bliss…
Truly and honestly.
SIGH. I am so incredily scarily and madly crazy about you.
I could kick a thousand cats for this. SIGH.
October 11, 2009
late night musings
If you gave me an apple, i would take it. If you gave me a knife, i would offer you my arm. If it thrills you to see me bleed, then by all means…
But please don’t make me not know how to feel…
September 13, 2009
what is…?
Imagine a moment where you are free of thought or rationale or of yourself? Not a single care, plans or worries of what may come. All that mattered for this single moment was that your heart was in peace, your body filled with bursting life… a floating sensation that left you breathless and yet hungry for more.
Almost like a sexual climatic experience.
Imagine the music that just destroyed all boundaries of your reasoning; the one that broke through your sense of purpose, your sense of collection, and the very justification of why you hold yourself back from the rest of society.
That music is the key that set you free, transforming you into you and sending you into that wild abandonment from the conforming nature of the world.
In the whole of 4 minutes and 16 seconds, just for that single moment, I felt like I ruled the universe; I had the answer to the world’s problems, and yet I was the world’s worst enemy. I felt I was the most beautiful being in this entire planet; I was every man’s dream, and yet his worst nightmare. I had the power to cure or kill, I had the means to destroy all I hated. I felt loved and appreciated.
That I felt complete. And I was alive. All for this single song.
This is what a good piece of music means to me.
