Still, i hate myself for what has happened. I feel so frustrated over it i find myself leaning back to my teen angst. Flashes in my mind are so haunting i feel like taking a gun and shooting my brains out. The fear is so great sometimes i feel like screaming and throwing myself against the wall. I feel like slashing my arms just to cleanse myself of the stupidity of everything.

In the end, I just hope this is a closed case. I want to just move on and learn from it. I only hope nothing in regards to it will be brought up again… ever.

SIGH. I am so incredily scarily and madly crazy about you.

I could kick a thousand cats for this. SIGH.

Almost like a sexual climatic experience.

Imagine the music that just destroyed all boundaries of your reasoning; the one that broke through your sense of purpose, your sense of collection, and the very justification of why you hold yourself back from the rest of society.

That music is the key that set you free, transforming you into you and sending you into that wild abandonment from the conforming nature of the world.

In the whole of 4 minutes and 16 seconds, just for that single moment, I felt like I ruled the universe; I had the answer to the world’s problems, and yet I was the world’s worst enemy. I felt I was the most beautiful being in this entire planet; I was every man’s dream, and yet his worst nightmare. I had the power to cure or kill, I had the means to destroy all I hated. I felt loved and appreciated.

That I felt complete. And I was alive. All for this single song.

This is what a good piece of music means to me.

ARGH NUMBERS!!!! *dies*

im tired and headachey and i keep oversleeping lately. And it’s not like im overworked or anything – i hardly think what i do is that all stressful.Except when it came to bugging people to get things done .. or help me get things done.

My temper straw is shortening, and I am not liking it. How can i be ever so peaceful if every minute i feel like breaking the bones of pedestrians, and chewing the head off careless motorists (not that i am the saintful driver myself).

Last Sunday, I took a spontaneous drive up to Penang! Kind of. The Elevate rock concert was happening there, and i decided, being it a sunday, and there was absolutely nothing to do… drove up to Penang. It took me an hour and a half to get my tofu ass there, to only find… dundundun.. it was in Butterworth -_-
So i called up a collegue of mine to ask where the venue was located in Butterworth, and the only answer i got was, “Somewhere in Butterworth.”

Fan-effing-tastic.

But i found the venue in the end. I was late but it was still rockin’! The crowd was half of what Ipoh had, but the atmosphere was just electrifying! Who cared about the rain! People just went crazy and danced their worries away… to a point it almost looked like a massive fistfight.

Ah… the feeling of just throwing oneself into abandonement to the hard thrashin beats of sweet rock & roll… I can relate to that – though i cannot admit to ever throwin myself crazy like that.

But the final band was awesome though! By the name of Love Me Butch! It’s simple and classic rock and screaming lyrics – nothing like the ones i listen to, but damn! I swear I could have jumped straight into the crowd if i was … well if i could, i would.

Yes, I like to say that i am a rock star, and rock & roll type of girl. But sadly, that aint the truth. I don’t know nuts about “true rock & roll” but all i know is, i like rock :D

MANNNN :( i hate pressure. And I don’t think it’s coming from anyone else but me.

Sigh.. im quite lonely here in Ipoh. But on a whole different level of loneliness.

And im very homesick. Melbourne-homesick -_-;

My heart is playing games with my mind.

But this what is called life.

And life is currently giving me ALOT OF LEMONS, and its currently too difficult to make lemonade.

…I’m going to get a frappucino tmr if it’s the last thing i do.

And this is when i realized… that my patience isn’t all that great.
I guess i must have used it all up in my previous relationship.

Oh well. Time to start over with the rubber ball.

So I have to do a report on the discrepancies in sales. I look at figures. I don’t like figures. I can somewhat deal with them if someone helps me, but other than that …. figures don’t like me at all really. As oppose to my dear friend Isya who is a wonder with them. (Don’t go to work Isya!!)

So I was suppose to go to Penang for the weekend to visit my relatives – and that i did. But with this sudden project thrown at me, relaxing was suddenly the last thing on my mind. Somehow I needed to come up with a format to gather as many random and relevant information about the market as i can, and somehow communicate this need to my fellow colleagues on  Monday morning.

Have i ever mentioned how much i LOATHE waking up early? I have nothing against my current job except waking up early… but i think this is subject to change in the coming months. (just a wild forecast)

Communication should be the last problem I would have in work, and yet it is my BIGGEST ONE. Because I am a banana. Yessiree~ that i am! I can’t speak a word of chinese and i am working in a town that just spews Cantonese day after day. So i decided to tell people I was born in Russia. Like really in the heart of Russie, because southern Russia mixes with the Northern chinese and they share their languages with each other.

I suddenly need a shot of intellect. Someone please impart your wisdom upon me!!!! ><

There was a riot in KL today, i heard. Peaceful protests are cool i guess when all you wanna do is wave banners and smile at cameras. Generally speaking…

There were poor innocent shoppers and tourists stuck in shops for hours til the cows came home because of the massive 20k plus people frolicking about the street with banners and ribbons shouting funny words. Authorities who were suppose to be respected (half half on this feeling really but who am i to criticize) were booed at. Others who were not involved could have launched a full scale massacre for being stuck in a God forsake traffic jam from breakfast til dinner!

Poor them. Poor everyone.

What this country needs is more cupcakes. Everyone becomes happy from the sugar rush and then petrol wouldnt be wasted and the nation would have perkier butts (they turn into tau fu fa when sitting in the car for too long).

I could use with a perkier butt. XD

Don’t scare our tourists away! We love our lost sheeps!!

If this post makes absolutely no sense, neither does my day!

Besides that.

R.I.P Yasmin Ahmad :(